Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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