Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
