Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
