You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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