I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
