1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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