you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
