Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
