had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
