I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
