my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
