dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
