eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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