Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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