Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it glows. i had to have it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
