That's intense
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
