the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
