Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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