During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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