he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
