you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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