Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
