drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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