Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
