I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
