i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
