That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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