Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
