Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize