dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
