dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
