If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
