She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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