is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
