I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
