Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
