Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
