you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
