I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
