So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
