Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
