i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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