I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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