if only i could text you this smell
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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