The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
