u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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