this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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