I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
