I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
