I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
