I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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