This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
