my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
