paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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