hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
