Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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