but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
