for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
